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I have been close companions for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered numerous challenges, her resilience is commendable. However, she has been often blindsided by people. Her spouse left her, which came as a huge shock. A lot of her friends vanished then, as they were only interested in the spouse. She was stunned by her. She put in increased attention in our friendship, and must have grasped better the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several in her circle have drifted apart without her being sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, even though she was highly competent, and she left not understanding the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, both of us retired so we're spending time together, but I am finding the part I play between us is as the audience. I introduce topics of conversation only for her to redirect them to what interests her. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. My effort is to suggest double-checking information and different perspectives.

She's been arranging a trip to a nation I know well on several occasions even called home for some time. My intention was to provide personal experiences, yet it was not welcomed. She purely solely sought me to confirm her plans. I have come back from 30 days in that country and she wants to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling in this role who cuts and runs without explanation, however, I feel she can grasp the effect of how she acts on my self-esteem. At this point, my state is distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

You could end things abruptly, however, that approach is rarely the peaceful resolution we hope for. But confrontation with the goal of resolution demands strength and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one involves describing what typically happens during your discussions. Aim for this to be based on facts like exactly what occurs. Step two is to express her how it affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement here. Your feelings are valid, after all. Finally is to question ways you together will alter the pattern of your friendship."

Keep in mind that she also holds perspectives, meaning you must to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique is telling to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for half an hour."

This can be impactful in fostering mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore all you say, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative of their life they cannot let go of as it feels essential is tied to it being the only thing they've known. This poses a challenge because there's no easy route here, mere obstacles. But she may start out like this then consider on your words. If you never reach an agreement, it provides satisfaction that you've been truthful.